New Year’s Resolutions 2010

I have been working on my 2010 New Year’s Resolutions. I decided that each resolution should be carefully thought out and each should have an impact on my emotional and physical well being. On the eve of the new year I have three resolutions that I have already set in motion and a few more that are works in progress. I also expect this list of resolutions to grow and change throughout the month of January as I ease myself into a new frame of mind and body.

#1: I shall avoid looking at train wrecks. My eyes are focused on the path ahead not the road left behind.

I have spent a great deal of time and energy this past year focused on things that I cannot change. I fret over decisions that others have made and how they will play out for them in years to come. In worrying about their health and happiness I have jeopardized my own. This year I take my life back.

#2: I shall no longer short myself on a good night’s sleep.

In January of 2009 I got sick. For a year I have battled a mysterious illness the effects of which have been substantiated but not explained. I have hopes that in January of 2010 I will finally have some answers and be on the path of recovery. For now, I will take things into my own hands and start with the basics of sleep. Plain and simple, sleep is just as important to our health as food and water. My body can no longer function or survive on four hours of sleep each night. I need my strength and energy to move forward and face head on whatever this is that has attacked my mind and body. I refuse to let it control me any longer.

#3: Adopt new routines to make my home a tranquil haven, clean and decluttered.

This is not an unfamiliar resolution. I have made it several times before and while I cannot say that I have truly failed each year, I certainly did not live up to my own expectations. I started yesterday with the Christmas tree and decorations. I then spent five hours in three rooms cleaning and decluttering and adding to the “donation station” in the basement. I am sore and tired today but I plan to push forward with the bedroom and bathrooms. My writing studio is a work in progress and I plan to devote a few hours each week to its transformation.

Going on Holiday!

This morning I have some packing to do and then off to work to finalize a few things before I leave on holiday for a week. Savannah and I planned a winter mini-break about a month ago and have been eagerly awaiting it’s arrival. We are headed to the Pacific Northwest. This was the most obvious destination choice for us as it was our home for so many years and it gives us the opportunity to celebrate the season with friends and family.

The husband/father is staying home as we could not bring ourselves to board the kitty for the week. She is so old and frail that I just could not imagine her locked up in a box.  If she is still around for our warm sands holiday in February/March we have found a sitter who will stay with her at the house. For now, the man will keep her company along with the dogs. So girl holiday it is!

I’ll post from the road if I get a chance!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Snowing here in Virginia on this fine Saturday morning!  Seeing the fluffy white stuff blanketing our new green lawn got me motivated. I put on the Christmas music and hauled the decorations up from the basement. Enjoying hot cocoa and the smell of freshly baked cookies.

And there goes the power! No seriously, there goes the power! It’s back on momentarily so I better get this posted while I still have a chance. Time to light the fire and break out the candles. Oh joy! Tis the season!

Enjoy the snow!

Facebook Depression

Girls age nineteen and under might be at risk for a new illness called Facebook Depression.

It’s no secret teenagers like to chat!  Boys and girls alike chat about anything and everything from dating, to movies, to sports. But there is one thing that girls chat about that boys don’t, their feelings.  Years ago girls used diaries, journals, and slambooks to express themselves. When they needed to talk to a friend, they saw each other in person or they talked on the phone. Nowadays, the electronic age has taken over for face to face interaction and Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and texting are the mediums of choice. While these are great tools for communicating and keeping in touch and up to date with your friends, they can also be detrimental for the teenage girl who is going through an emotional period in her life.

Social networking platforms give the teenage girl a place to ruminate on her problems twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. She can become obsessive about discussing her issues with friends and even strangers. She seeks validation for her feelings and when she gets it from her multitudes of “friends” she feels validated in her anger or sadness. This prompts further obsessing and can eventually lead to depression and anxiety. Complaining and commiserating are nothing new in the world of teenage communication, but when posting or texting about problems becomes excessive, this is when Facebook can be considered an unhealthy activity.

So how do you spot Facebook Depression?  Just look for a pattern.  If your daughter or friend is constantly posting or texting negative thoughts or seems to be holding on to a problem like a dog with a bone, she may be depressed. Look for obvious signs of depression like comments about giving up and life not being worth living. But also keep your eyes open for more subtle clues like recent changes in the number of posts, inappropriate language that she had not previously used, blowing things out of proportion, or snapping at friends who try to make them feel better. The last one might be a clear sign that they are beginning to almost enjoy their situation because of the amount of attention they are receiving.

The Liar

We have all dealt with our fair share of lies in our lives. We all have told at least one and we all have been told more than a few. My novel focuses on several people in a group therapy situation each with their own compulsive behaviors that got them there. I labeled one of my patients as a liar but found out early on that she was not a believable character. No pun intended. I had her lying about the oddest things with no visible pattern or gain. I decided to do some research and here is what I discovered:

For those who have extreme issues with lying there are basically two types; Pathological Liars and Compulsive Liars. Habitual Liars and Chronic Liars are terms usually associated with the Compulsive Liar.

The Pathological Liar lies for personal gain. This is probably the most common form of lying that you will encounter. However, the difference between a co-worker who lies to stay home “sick” and the friend or family member who starts a false rumor in order to take the light off their own mistakes is that the latter feels no guilt or shame. The Pathological Liar cares not who their lies hurt. They are manipulative and devious in their actions and truly believe they are justified because the lie will lead them to whatever it is they desire. Their happiness is the only thing that matters. Often times when they are confronted they will dig their heels deeper into their lies generating compounded lies and eventually believing their own creations. What they fail to realize is that most people can see right through them. They tend to use people up and move on. Often they lose the respect of friends and family until they have no one left to listen to their lies.

Compulsive Liars can be a mystery to many because they do not lie for personal gain but rather they lie out of habit. For them, there is no lie too big or too small. There is no truth that cannot be bent and for no other reason than it can be. They simply cannot tell the truth. On the rare occasion they do speak the truth, it comes as a surprise to even the liar. Compulsive liars tend to move from one relationship to another as the lying tends to take a toll on the people around them. So rather than face the truth they simply move on creating more lies about their past relationships.

My character falls into the Compulsive Liar category. Her lies hurt the people around her but her lies provide her with no personal gain. I have not yet seen that she shows any kind of remorse. On the contrary, she enjoys the act of lying as she often surprises herself with the genius of her spontaneous creations. She simply cannot control it. I considered rewriting her part and making her a Pathological Liar but I fear that her role would then have to be expanded and she would demand more time and attention, something I am not willing to give her right now. I might save that character for a later novel idea I have churning in my brain.

Quotes on Anger

Anger is an extremely powerful emotion and one that is not easily controlled. This is most true when the anger is directed at you. An angry person who has lost control of their emotions causes pain and suffering and in their anger they feel justified. Sometimes they are even proud of themselves. I love the quotes below because they make me smile…even in the face of anger.

The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were people who knew they were wrong. ~Wilson Mizner

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them. ~Lemony Snicket

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown

Get mad, then get over it. ~Colin Powell

If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot. ~Korean Proverb

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. ~Albert Einstein

Sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. ~Author Unknown

Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled. ~Marshall B. Rosenberg

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~Buddha

No wishing or hoping necessary.

I just got back from Charlottesville a few hours ago after spending the day visiting my beautiful daughter in her new home. Such a lovely little house and wonderful roommates. The cats and “wrong puppy” are a little on the crazy side and they will be adding another puppy to the mix in the spring. It is a busy house, but it is a happy house and I could not be happier for her. Her future is bright but more importantly her today is wonderful.

I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with her today and I was reminded once again of why I love her so much. It’s not just because she is my only child or that we have a bond that is stronger than most others. It is the pure goodness of her heart that makes me love her unconditionally. We spent a little time reflecting on something that we had lost a few months ago and it made me sad for awhile. I am amazed by the hope and forgiveness she holds in her heart and yet I know that the loss has caused her a great deal of pain. Still, her compassion astounds me as she worries more for her parents’ loss than her own. True to her protective nature she asked that I not going searching for what has been lost as what I will find will only cause more pain. Later I read something she wrote online about sticks and stones not being the only things that can hurt you and now I understand.

I have had some time this evening to consider our conversation today. I thought about all that I do have in my life at the moment: a loving daughter, wonderful friends, the joy of a strong bond with my parents, my sister and my brother, a beautiful niece and a hard working nephew, and a wonderful husband. Good people. Strong family. Ties that do not bind but strengthen and provide support when needed. We are not perfect. We never claimed to be. We do what we think is right in the moment and then we move forward. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we make mistakes. I can live with that because in our hearts we are good people.

Today I am going to heed my daughter’s advice. I will no longer look for what has been lost. If it returns to us then I will forgive. But I will not seek it out. I will be myself and live my life. No one knows how many days we have left to spend with those who love us and care about us. I have spent the past few months wishing and hoping for something that does not want to be found. So today I spend my time and efforts on those who I don’t have to wonder about their true feelings or intentions. For those who truly care about us there is no wishing or hoping necessary.

Crossing the NaNoWrimo Finish Line

I just crossed over the 50K mark and wanted to thank you all for the support you have given me throughout the month. This year I have met so many wonderful writers. I have also had the opportunity to strengthen bonds with writers from NaNos past. You have all provided me with encouraging words and inspiration. In particular I would like to thank:

My Co-ML Lamishia – Thank you for your help this year. It was worth the effort!

My teen writers from Samuels Public Library – You amaze me with you perseverance.

My POC Kate (arrows for pens) – You are such a beautiful and smart young lady and I am so proud to have you as a friend. (I hope we continue to chat on Twitter!)

My friend Emily – Even though we didn’t get to see each other much this season, I am so glad you are feeling better! Whenever I get in a pickle and can’t think of anything to write, I think of you and your amazing talent to come up with something from nothing. From fencers to spiders to pirates, you amaze me!

Deanna, Jacki, Josette and Meghan – Thanks for the support and good luck to you as you move forward on your novels. Can’t wait to see what you do next.

My Comrade Stacey – I don’t even know what to say! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I think our online chatting word counts this month exceeded our novel word counts! I have new direction and clear goals as a writer and for that I owe a great deal to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You inspire me and I love that I can say “I knew you when…”

My husband – I’m back! Thanks for understanding and I hope you got used to it because year four has been an amazing transformation for me. There is more to come!

My beautiful daughter Savannah – I am so happy to have had the chance to write with you this year! You are so talented and I have no doubt that soon we will all be seeing your works sitting on the shelves at Barnes and Noble. I could not be more proud! You move me baby!

Finally, to all of you who have shared this experience with me this month, I thank you! It has been a wonderful ride and I can’t wait to see what we can accomplish as writers in the new year!

Cheers!

Susan

NaNoWriMo Update

This is just a quick update on my NaNoWriMo progress thus far.  Today I should be crossing over the 40K mark and hoping for an early finish. Of course, the novel will be incomplete at that point so I will continue to work on it daily throughout December and would like to enter into the editing phase sometime in January.

It has been an amazing process this year. I was able to set up my writing studio in October and this has made a huge difference in not only my commitment to NaNoWriMo but to myself as a writer. My writing goals have evolved as well. I will be shopping for an agent in 2010 and hope to be marketing four novels.

Back to the writing!

 

Coffee, elevators and food replicators

If you get a break in your writing go back and read some of the stuff you wrote. Pay particular attention to those moments in writing when you were typing away at a feverish pace and you really had no idea what you were saying. Trust me, while it may momentarily cause you to question your abilities as a writer, it is sure to make you smile at some point.

For example, yesterday my main character woke up, made some coffee, drank some coffee, then went out for coffee. I’m pretty sure right now she is drinking more coffee. Guess what is sitting on my desk while I write? You guessed it! Coffee!

Or I have plenty of these little gems:

“The elevator slowed to a stop at the penthouse floor and the doors opened automatically.”

Only in fiction will you find elevator doors that open automatically! If only we could harness that technology in the real world! Sometimes I just amaze myself with my forward thinking! This one is going to be right up there with the food replicator on Star Trek.

Do you have any gems of your own to share?

Have a productive writing day!