I just got back from Charlottesville a few hours ago after spending the day visiting my beautiful daughter in her new home. Such a lovely little house and wonderful roommates. The cats and “wrong puppy” are a little on the crazy side and they will be adding another puppy to the mix in the spring. It is a busy house, but it is a happy house and I could not be happier for her. Her future is bright but more importantly her today is wonderful.
I was lucky enough to spend a few hours with her today and I was reminded once again of why I love her so much. It’s not just because she is my only child or that we have a bond that is stronger than most others. It is the pure goodness of her heart that makes me love her unconditionally. We spent a little time reflecting on something that we had lost a few months ago and it made me sad for awhile. I am amazed by the hope and forgiveness she holds in her heart and yet I know that the loss has caused her a great deal of pain. Still, her compassion astounds me as she worries more for her parents’ loss than her own. True to her protective nature she asked that I not go in search for what has been lost as what I will find will only cause more pain. Later I read something she wrote online about sticks and stones not being the only things that can hurt you and now I understand.
I have had some time this evening to consider our conversation today. I thought about all that I do have in my life at the moment: a loving daughter, wonderful friends, the joy of a strong bond with my parents, my sister and my brother, a beautiful niece and a hard working nephew, and a wonderful husband. Good people. Strong family. Ties that do not bind but strengthen and provide support when needed. We are not perfect. We never claimed to be. We do what we think is right in the moment and then we move forward. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we make mistakes. I can live with that because in our hearts we are good people.
Today I am going to heed my daughter’s advice. I will no longer look for what has been lost. If it returns to us then I will forgive. But I will not seek it out. I will be myself and live my life. No one knows how many days we have left to spend with those who love us and care about us. I have spent the past few months wishing and hoping for something that does not want to be found. So today I spend my time and efforts on those who I don’t have to wonder about their true feelings or intentions. For those who truly care about us there is no wishing or hoping necessary.