Category Archives: A Life Mismanaged

bits of me

i linger
and listen
to the sound
of the ticking
bits of me
crumble away
form dust at my feet
seconds to minutes
minutes to hours
hours to days
soon there
will be
but a shell
of the woman
you once knew
and if i see you
i will not move
i will not breathe
for if i do
i will tremble
nothing left
to hold me
bits of me
on the floor

New Year’s Resolutions 2010

I have been working on my 2010 New Year’s Resolutions. I decided that each resolution should be carefully thought out and each should have an impact on my emotional and physical well being. On the eve of the new year I have three resolutions that I have already set in motion and a few more that are works in progress. I also expect this list of resolutions to grow and change throughout the month of January as I ease myself into a new frame of mind and body.

#1: I shall avoid looking at train wrecks. My eyes are focused on the path ahead not the road left behind.

I have spent a great deal of time and energy this past year focused on things that I cannot change. I fret over decisions that others have made and how they will play out for them in years to come. In worrying about their health and happiness I have jeopardized my own. This year I take my life back.

#2: I shall no longer short myself on a good night’s sleep.

In January of 2009 I got sick. For a year I have battled a mysterious illness the effects of which have been substantiated but not explained. I have hopes that in January of 2010 I will finally have some answers and be on the path of recovery. For now, I will take things into my own hands and start with the basics of sleep. Plain and simple, sleep is just as important to our health as food and water. My body can no longer function or survive on four hours of sleep each night. I need my strength and energy to move forward and face head on whatever this is that has attacked my mind and body. I refuse to let it control me any longer.

#3: Adopt new routines to make my home a tranquil haven, clean and decluttered.

This is not an unfamiliar resolution. I have made it several times before and while I cannot say that I have truly failed each year, I certainly did not live up to my own expectations. I started yesterday with the Christmas tree and decorations. I then spent five hours in three rooms cleaning and decluttering and adding to the “donation station” in the basement. I am sore and tired today but I plan to push forward with the bedroom and bathrooms. My writing studio is a work in progress and I plan to devote a few hours each week to its transformation.

Am I breathing?

So it has been some time since I last posted but I warned you of that from the beginning. The past three weeks have been a true joy so I had no need to find creative ways to procrastinate. Savannah was here. The recent college grad came home this summer but only for a visit. She won’t be returning to this side of the country any time soon. She is a true Pacific Northwest Girl. You can’t take the Northwest out of the girl and you can’t take the girl out of the Northwest. So I spent three weeks enjoying each and every moment with her just soaking up the pure goodness of being together. In 2005 when she came home after her freshman year of college I wrote, “She’s home. She’s home and now I can breathe.” The feeling hasn’t changed. Now she’s gone again and I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. December can’t come too quickly.

Missing the Pacific Northwest

I just returned from the Pacific Northwest and already I am missing everything; the trees, the mountains, the people and yes, even the rain. Virginia is lovely but I have been here for ten years and I still can’t seem to call it home. I am reminded that I don’t belong here each time I return. From the moment I step off the plane I can smell the difference between here and there. It hangs in the air. It whispers in my ear. It weighs heavy on my heart. There is a constant sense of something pulling me back. A nagging voice inside my head keeps telling me that something is missing, that I left something valuable behind. I check my luggage, my backpack, my pockets and once again I find that everything physical has made it back and still I am left with the feeling that something has been forgotten. Only on the long drive back to the house do I realize that the thing that has been misplaced is me. Misplaced, displaced. But I am here. I have gone through the migration once again. So I will go through the motions of daily life until I am free to answer the call and return to the place that calms my heart and soothes my soul, the place that wraps its arms around me and says welcome home.

About Me & My Blog

Me 5Me 6Me 7

It’s me again. (Listen to me saying hello to myself…who else is reading this?!) Signed up for another blog. Imported my old tired neglected blogs. This is how I procrastinate. If you don’t see me for some time it either means I am actually doing the things I am supposed to be doing or I have found yet another procrastination tool.

So what was it I was supposed to be doing? Oh yeah. I write. I am a writer. I am also a quilter. I am not old. But I will quilt when I am old. For me a quilt is an expression of who I am just as writing is. A novel of fabric and thread. The pieces of fabric are the ideas and the stitches of thread are the words that hold it all together. My quilts, like my stories, are things that define me. My first finished quilt hangs on the wall as my first published story sits on a shelf. They haunt me. They are a constant reminder of what I can accomplish when I allow myself to move forward. Like my stories, my quilts are mostly unfinished. Words and fabric in various stages of construction. Like me, unfinished, unrefined, just loosely woven pieces. Incomplete. Nothing and no one of consequence.

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